Grow some girl-balls and come out already
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
