i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
