HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
