I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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