smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
