About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
farters have to be the big spoon...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
