I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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