Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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