there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
