We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
