i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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