I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So much Jack, so little girl.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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