Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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