At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
