he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
