Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
