good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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