Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
