someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
