Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize