So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
