He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You can't just leave with hair like that
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
