If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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