I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
