can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
