so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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