i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
