Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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