He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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