dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
