Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
