you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
