So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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