remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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