Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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