she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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