No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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