my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
