Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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