im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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