Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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