Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
