No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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