Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
