A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
