Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Randomize
