she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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