Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
