mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
