dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
