Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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