There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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