I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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