i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize