you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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