Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
