I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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