I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My bed smells like the plague
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
