I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
