At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Randomize
