Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
