C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
