it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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