i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you had me at cake vodka
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize