I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
