I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
