My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
