Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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