it hurts more in the daytime
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So much Jack, so little girl.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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