Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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