just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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