so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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