wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
