he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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